New Beginnings

We were always a little too late. Time dies slow, but death won't wait.

http://deathwontwait.wordpress.com

Fallen Prey

I’ve been back in Brooklyn for a little more than two weeks now. I’m finally starting to get used to waking up in the same place every morning, seeing the same people on a regular basis and settling into at least a semi-regular routine. I started working again and am actually starting to like it. Of course, any mindless job will be intellectually stifling and I certainly am feeling its affects. But it really is nice change to have a little money now and then and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having fun.

There’s something about a routine that is suddenly attractive to me. I had always shunned the idea of regularity, wanting instead to live a life of excitement and surprise, something that still appeals to me in a way. Oddly enough, I now find myself looking for a more habitual sleep schedule and some sort of plan for my daily pursuits. I like the order and stability that a routine provides, however temporarily, and am ok without the steady stream of excitement that comes with being on the road.

Instead I’ve been able to satisfy that lust through different projects, finding fulfillment in my efforts to learn and create new things. I find myself feeling much more content after hours of reading or writing than I do climbing out of a van after an 8-hour drive. Still, I feel oddly attracted to faraway places and can’t deny that pang of jealousy I feel when I hear about the adventures of travelling friends. I’m almost certain that itch will be back, and before long I’ll find myself desperately wanting to escape once again.

Even when I talk of routine, my life is certainly not regular in any strict sense of the word. More often than not I end up staying up all night, working unusual hours, and deciding everything at the spur of the moment. I still can’t really plan anything and hate the idea of working a full-time job. Perhaps I’ve finally found a happy medium or maybe just a temporary solution to capriciousness. I’ve always been frightened of normalcy and the stale monotony that generally accompanies it. The fact that I’m starting to feel attracted to it is all the more terrifying. Its certainly possible that I burnt myself out a little over the summer, being gone for so long; or maybe this is what they call growing up, although I really hope that’s not it. Only time will tell as the next few weeks and months unfold and my insides sort themselves out. Everybody wants to dance with the devil, but no one wants to pay the band.

Kingpin

Walking fine lines helps you pass the time.

Semi-Charmed Life

We tripped on the urge to feel alive.

Thicker Than Water

Last night I took a trip to West side of Manhattan to embark on a three-hour boat ride in a cruise ship through the Hudson. Strangely enough, H2O was playing a show aboard the ship, an event that had sold out weeks ago to its 500-person capacity. I had forgotten all about the show until a friend called me up that afternoon offering me a ticket to the show. Leading the ultimate slacker-lifestyle and having no obligations ever, I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to get out of the house and do something unusual for the evening.

I met up with my friend at the corner of 14th and 8th and we drove up to the port at 42nd street. We arrived just a few minutes before the scheduled departure and made our way up the ramp to board the ship. A few minutes later the boat set sail and we were off, making our way downstream towards the statue of liberty.

There were no other bands listed to play, but I couldn’t imagine that H2O could come up with a set list to keep anyone interested for a full three hours. As it turns out, the band didn’t begin until about 90 minutes after we set sail and ended up playing for a little over an hour.

The show itself was pretty rad. The boat rocked back and forth as a few hundred kids scrambled over each other to sing-a-long and try to keep their balance. Mackie and JJ of the Cro-mags made a special appearance towards the end of H2O’s set and played “Hard Times.” H2O played a good mix of old and new, with Toby and his son bringing the laughs with their in-song stage banter.

The whole night was a little unreal. I felt as if I had been given a glimpse into the life of the wealthy New Yorker; the kinds of things I, as a young graduate, should probably be trying to do with my life. Still, I couldn’t imagine myself enjoying something like that if I hadn’t been surrounded by a bunch of hardcore kids. All in all, the show was a good time and reminded me why I love New York, the only place in the world where something like this would happen.


Blood is thicker than water and hardcore still rules.

Losing My Skin

Three weeks ago I left the comforts of home behind, hopping in a car with four friends to see the country and try to catch some good vibes. Our final destination was California, with a handful of other stops planned along the way. The trip took us down the East Coast to DC, through the Midwest, into the Rocky Mountains, past the grand canyon into the Southwest and finally to the West Coast for a few days in Southern California. We stayed with friends, slept in parks, camped out and bought in the occasional hotel. In all, it was a new experience altogether. Unlike touring there were no load-in times, no hardcore shows, no obligations at all. We drove at our own pace, leisurely winding our way though the countryside, stopping again and again to take in our surroundings.

On the open road, there’s nothing but time. Back home in the real world, there’s never time for anything. We’re always on the go, running 15 minutes behind schedule, scrambling just to keep our heads above the water. I’ve grown so used to this deficiency that I barely know what to do with myself when I actually have time to spare. Tentatively at first, I began to lose myself in my mind for hours at a time, staring at the open road as it passed beneath our feet and disappeared into the distance. For the first time I could really reflect on my life, seeing things in new perspective and learning more about myself. All the stress, anxiety and problems of home began to lose all meaning and after a while I couldn’t remember why I had worried about them in the first place.

The pinnacle of the trip was the Grand Canyon. We drove over night to the North Rim to arrive early in the morning and camped there the following night. The massive beauty of the thing mesmerized me. Humanity, for all its narcissistic enlightenment, scientific progress and technological advancement, could never even dream of manufacturing such a creation.

That night we watched a meteor shower from a cliff hanging over the canyon. On all sides we seemed surrounded by a deep, dark sea as meteor after meteor rained down from the heavens above. No words could do justice to the beauty of the spectacle, its one of those things you had to see yourself to fully appreciate it. The significance of our daily lives, and the arrogant certainty with which we approach our very existence were dwarfed by the grandeur of the moment.

As I lay there on the rocks in a tangle of bodies, with some of my best friends I knew that this was it. I wasn’t sure exactly what it is, but of nothing in my life have I ever been more certain. Moments like those are the ones that really matter. To see the unseen and experience the magnificent, that’s what living is all about. Forget about all the bunk relationships, looming bills, and failed aspirations. Take just a moment to forget it all and let yourself truly live.

Living Proof

What is man but a blink of the eye in the history of time? A brief episode on a planet among millions floating in a sea of endless galaxies. Man, whose problems seem so lofty and great and whose destructive reach knows no limit, is scarcely a speck of dust in the grander scheme of the universe. He has placed himself above the rest of his fellow inhabitants with a self-assigned superiority, convinced that he is the ultimate manifestation of God's creative capacity.

Perhaps its an issue of perspective or rather, one of untamed ego; an audacity to assign a self-important role in this grand history. His personal problems, his anxiety, his depression amount to little less than nothing. All his laws, wars, economies, and new technologies as insignificant as our fleeting desires. The universe was there long before man crawled from the earth's mirky depths and will surely continue long after his inevitable descent.